stick a fork in me.. im done

Was brought back into civilisation for a short while.. bon was here on tuesdae n just left yesterdae morning. I finally got to do normal things like.. watch tv.. go shopping with a friend.. have waffles at gelares on half price day.. ahhh these simple things in life that we take for granted. My mom's comin down on tuesdae! When she n my dad realised i was gonna be stayin in Bon's house all alone after she left they decided she should come n make sure i dun go insane with paranoia.. which i totally forsee myself doing. I keep lookin around suspciously everytime im walkin down the road to her house.. only because Perth doesn't realli believe in street lights and the road leadin to her house is completely pitch dark at night and abit spooky.. and that's when all my worst-case scenarios of lurking rapists start flashin thru my brain. It's a very gruelling 1 minute walk in i tell ya.

Been countin down my return.. 3 wks to go.. my exam's in eight daysssss.. ugh. Just started studyin a couple of days ago.. I miss exam period durin normal semester.. where everyone's studying n bein serious together.. and goin down for hot brekkie.. n stayin up till ulu hours to study.. n bein all cranky n moody n breakin out in pimples from the stress.Fun times.

I was talkin to mah darlin shola jus now on msn n came to the conclusion that i really hate the word "closure". Its a horrible word. I mean why do we need closure.. why does it have to exist. Why is it that when a stupid boy leaves u hanging .. ur brain is telling u to move on and he's not worth it n u can do so much better.. but ur heart is refusing to listen. When things end abruptly.. why cant we just move on.. why do we need CLOSURE. Things wud b alot easier if we didnt.. if we were programmed to block out this needy totally un-powerish feeling. I know alot of my girlies who haf been left hangin.. breakups.. and they're totally gorgeous, intelligent and independent STRONG girls but were unable to let go as quickly as they would have hoped because this totally useless male refused to at least have the decency to realise he owes it to their relationship to have a clean and proper break.

Another case scenario.. ure dating someone.. things r going alrite.. pretty ok.. and then he suddenly MIAs. Oh yes ive had my fair share of boys with this defect.. up to the point where im wondering if ive been cursed for breakin a bathroom mirror when i was 16.. 7 or 8 yrs of bad luck they say? So anyways.. he MIAs... u dun hear from him.. dunno wats goin on with him.. he doesnt have the decency to call and apologise or explain.. u KNOW u shud get over it n move on cuz he's a useless bum n u deserve better.. ur head's tellin u to be smart.. but ya heart's sayin to hold on.. wait to c if he does turn up to explain.. the heart is tellin u to have a lil hope.. when clearly he shud b the one havin hope.. hopin n prayin that he doesnt run into you.. cuz hunny u're gonna introduce him to a whole new level of killer-stares. But yes.. we end up not followin our head cuz its just hard to get over someone when everything was goin so well.. hell its hard gettin over someone period. But its just different when things end unexpectedly.. and u need some sort of explanation.. and a reason to realli let go.. as if him disappearing on ur ass isnt reason enough. Girl please.. ive had enuff of this bullshit. I'm banning the word closure in my life. From now on if we hit it off, u ask for my number then u dun call.. u dun get even a second of my thoughts. We date for a bit, everything's goin gd.. then u jus disappear.. ure as good as havin disappeared from my memory.

That's one of my new yr resolutions.. no more wastin time on unnecessary guys... i admit that ive definately done more than my fair share whining about some guy or other for the most part of my years.. and I AM DONE.

I now realise that i have to do whatever it takes to block out my heart n listen to my head more often.

I also realise this whole post is being written due to alot of much needed venting and i will probably not follow thru with the above resolution.

Heh.

But my opinion on closure still stands.. i wish it din exist. The world wud be a better place. Well.. My world at least..

P.S.. none of the above applies to Paiyan as he is my beautiful VIP (private joke) and he's perfect and i love n want to have many muslim kids with him.


--------------------------------------------THE END------------------------------------------